Art Basel 2011

The Notorious B.I.G. put it so well: It was all a dream. I used to read Word Up magazine. Salt'n'Pepa and Heavy D up in the limousine.


Everything we dream about happens this week -- especially if you like free-forming, roller-skating, graffiti-writing, canvas-painting, pop-up shopping, single-speed-riding, foodie-friendly, barista-admiring, DJ-spinning, pretense-loving, cafe-perching, Soho Beach House see and be seen-ing. All good in the hood so to speak.


It's an ART thang, and the airport gonna be busy up in here starting like yesterday. You gonna see people in hoodies, sipping hip soft drinks out of the bottle (and Red Bull), congregatin' in dat dere Wynwood district, strollin' down NW 29th Street across Miami Avenue, detourin' through a bit of Puerto-Rican Miami (I went through Roberto Clemente Park!), sashaying past tents housing Art Miami, Art Asia, and Scope, seeking respite at Sugarcane, Sustain, Gigi's, and Michael's Genuine if they walk under 195 properly. Some will wander into Sakaya Kitchen and stumble into a Clive's (Omigod is that Lenny Kravitz on the wall?) open at unusually ungodly hours just to capitalize a bit on the week.


Despite the cynicism, it is our finest hour, better than the Superbowl (IMHO, a strip club is better than the Superbowl) better dressed than ULTRA (IMHO, the Mummers Parade is better dressed than ULTRA) and much cooler than the proposed Genting Casino (IMHO, the end of the world is cooler than the proposed Genting Casino). Though the SAT got rid of the analogies, Art Basel is to Miami as cool is to the 1111 Lincoln Road parking sculpture -- something to proudly show off.


Enjoy this week everyone -- this is Miami's 21st Century event. 

Herman Cain: Nuestro amigo!

 Herman Cain came to Miami to practice a new language: Cuban

Seasons May Change/The Rainy Season Will Soon Be Over

It's just about time for us to stop sweating, turn off the coolant, open the windows, and derive pleasure from watching the Weather Channel wherever snow is falling. With this in mind, I have decided to try to be nice this month, just to see if I can do it I like it. On Halloween, I promise plan to provide kids with healthy snacks and a smile, and all month, I will try riding my bike with a special October playlist in my head. I will share it with my friends (yes plural), and hopefully the corkin' brothers will use some of the cuts for their Critical Mass ride on October 28th.

1. October Song: Amy Winehouse
2. Beautiful: Damian Marley
3. Outside Man: Junior Parker
4. High On Your Love: Kings Go Forth
5. Give Me The Sunshine: Leo's Sunshipp
6. Send Out for Sunshine: Heatwave
7. You Are My Sunshine: Dyke & the Blazers
8. I Wish It Would Rain: Mayer Hawthorne
9. Sun Goddess: Ramsey Lewis Trio
10. Fresh Air: Quicksilver Messenger Service
11. Anotha'(BBQ): People Under the Stairs
12. Cold Rock a Party: MC Lyte
13. Cold Sweat: James Brown
14. Too Cold: Roots Manuva
15. Autumn Sweater: Yo La Tengo
16. Diana in the Autumn Wind: Gap Mangione
17. I'm a Mummy: The Fall
18. Bad Moon Rising: Creedence Clearwater Revival
19. Orange Moon: Erykah Badu
20. Bela Lugosi's Dead: Bauhaus

The Dangers of Privatization

There are those who suggest that the private sector handles everything better than the public sector. I beg to differ. Here is indisputable visual evidence: I am certain that even the most appalling US mailbox has nothing to be ashamed of when compared to one of these swanky, Palmetto Bay, private sector mailboxes.

Take Your Rulers Out!

I'm not exactly sure what these guys are measuring but I'm gonna keep the pictures to a minimum.

Miami Lakes councilmen in bathroom squabble

Dropping the F-bomb and threats to "take it outside" may sound like the start of a schoolyard brawl.

But this squabble involved two Miami Lakes politicians and happened in the bathroom during a break in the Tuesday night council meeting.

Both elected officials — Councilman Richard Pulido and Vice Mayor Nick Perdomo — claim the other made physical threats laced with cuss words.

Pulido said Perdomo threatened to beat him up while he was washing his hands. Perdomo also claims Pulido threatened him with a thrashing in the men's room.

According to Pulido, his colleague on the dais lost his cool because he felt Pulido had slighted him during the Tuesday meeting to discuss a development deal on Northwest 87th Avenue.

After the meeting, the councilmen were still taking verbal swipes.

"We’re not thugs. We should act like public officials. We’re not conducting business like we’re in a third-world country," Pulido told the Herald.

Perdomo — who runs a family cigar business with operations in Nicaragua — said Pulido started it. FUll story from The Herald's Laura Isensee here. The more reputable New Times here.

And he just keeps going...

The HEAT Is On

Fifteen minutes into Mike Bibby's new tenure as a member of The Team the Lord Destined to Win the Crusade called the NBA title the HEAT, the front office began to panic calm the nerves of all those who eat and sleep HEAT. Rumor has it that Bibby missed a shot. Sports radio stations got a Tweet from somebody who was watching from the custodial team a member of the front office, who insisted that the HEATwere not tendering offers to Rick Barry, Reggie Miller, Oscar Robertson, Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, and that dude who made the deal with the Devil in a number of Hollywood films.

Miami Herald columnist Dan Le Retard Le Batard reported that Bibby had been signed because he was dedicated to earning a ring, and that he would be a fine replacement compliment for Mike Miller, Undonis Haslem, Eddie House, Zydrunus Ilgauskas, James Posey, Mario Chalmers Chris Bosh, Lebron James, and Dwyane Wade.

Rumors swirled about whether to bring back Don Shula, Jimmy Johnson, Howard Schnellenberger, Shakey Rodriguez Pat Riley, but in the meantime, the entire Western sports world continued to place the blame onus of responsibility on scapegoat Coach Eric Spoelstra and Randy Shannon, Barack Obama, or public school teachers.

Meanwhile, the NBA was putting its finishing touches on another NBA Cares commercial featuring Carlos Arroyo when the HEAT mercilessly blamed him too placed the well-respected veteran on waivers. Fans of the HEAT pray expect that the Bibby move will propel them to 70 victories 60victories the playoffs this year. Season ticket holders hope he turns his hat around is just the spark that the team needs. or they will call talk radio and act like Qaddafi or Michele Bachmann.

Ownership plans to give all Overtown children who have no absences from school and elementary school AP level classes free nosebleed level obstructed view tickets to a Sacramento Kings game, plus free salt and pepper for all nacho orders with a Winner's Circle certificate.

Signs of the Apocalypse