A Tale of Two Lincolns or Two Roads Diverged on Miami Beach

Far from the knockoff Downtown Abbeys located off the banks of Ludlum Road in our beloved Pinecrest lie the maddening crowds on Lincoln Road in Miami Beach. All of us, at one time or another feel compelled to make the journey to the beach, and especially if we have relatives in tow, inevitably, we exercise an obligation to pop in on the pedestrian mall between and parallel to 16th and 17th Streets. 

There was a time when Lincoln Road was in its heydey with Bonwit Teller, Saks Fifth Avenue, and Burdine’s. Then there was a time when Lincoln Road was in decline, a strip only Scarface could love. Then, it began to rebound in the late 90’s. Now ... it’s hard to tell what’s going on there. Dylan’s Candy Bar, H &M, and Taschen have outposts. So do GNC, Bikini Village, and Payless. Draw your own conclusions.

There is, I suppose, looking at the bright side, something for everyone there. Old timers still ride their cruisers with parrots or Speedos on. Locals roller skate by. Folks that resemble the cruise boat crowd that frequent Bayside are in evidence. You hear Spanish, Portuguese, French, Russian, Chinese, and Hebrew routinely. Tomato-faced English loiter on Lincoln, walking like Frankensteins to keep the sunburn from chafing too painfully. Shirts unbuttoned to the pupik broadcast hairy chests and gold rope chains as if Donna Summer and the Bee Gees are still in concert. The Rolex still lives on Lincoln Road. LAst but not least, every failed plastic surgery victim seems to teeter totter by sooner or later, everything stretched and protruding. Forgive me, but it is not as uplifting for us as it is for you. 

New World Symphony has relocated to new digs. Ghirardelli is gone. So is almost all the sophistication which Carl Fisher envisioned when he created Lincoln Road as Miami Beach’s version of Beverly Hils’ Rodeo Drive. In its place is a gallimaufry of people, places, and things. A hodgepodge. A confused mess. Don’t get me completely wrong. It’s still enjoyable at times, especially if you hail from Wilmington North Carolina, Huntsville Alabama, Youngstown Ohio, or Topeka Kansas. Around the perimeter of Lincoln Road, you see these folks in hundreds of red rented Mustang convertibles circling the area, radios blaring, teenagers occasionally standing and screaming. Forgive them -- they know not what they do. It’s worse when they are walking, but better when they sit in the bad restaurants seducing them nearer Washington Avenue. There is some quality remaining on the eastern reaches of Lincoln, but not much. Paul Bakery, straight out of Paris, still has a good product. Rosinella received praise, most ending a decade ago. Nearly all are despised by any local clientele.

On the western side of Lincoln Road, Alton Road side of Lincoln Road, there is hope. The designer parking garage is a marvel; Juvia drains only the best of credit cards from its gorgeous penthouse. (Check out its website, and I guarantee it will give Gone in 60 Seconds new meaning thanks to an insufferable soundtrack.) Alchemist on floor five in the garage will stop you in your tracks, but you will need the fattest stacks to buy anything there. Picasso prices! The Nespresso store below is like Crayola for adults. Nearby Banana Republic is housed in a gorgeous old bank.  Base USA succeeds. Books & Books always dignifies itself. The Frieze, a few steps off Lincoln on Michigan is sublime. Juicy Couture, Victoria’s Secret, Mac, and Kiehl’s trump the cosmetic appeal than those Perfumania and CVS, both closer to Washington and Collins. At its worst near Collins, Lincoln Road is the new Ocean Drive.

All said, the further west you go, Lincoln Road becomes the road less traveled, and if you stay at that end, it will make all the difference.

The Death of Wynwood

For a while now, I have been thinking that the end is near. Since there is no such profession as an actual “future of the neighborhood” fact checker, the question remains -- Is the end of Wynwood near? Let’s say a little perspective is in order.

First, it is entirely fair dinkum to assume that some of our reading population does not know what I’m talking about. If you have a decent relationship with your college aged children and they have tats, piercings, or an inclination to speak of craft beer, GMO’s, or baristas, you are aware of the district near Midtown where Art Basel spinoffs and graffiti artists began digging in about a dozen years ago thanks to a desire, a need, and a beloved pioneer named Tony Goldman. If you have never visited Wynwood, perhaps this analogy will do.

Remember the time before Ocean Drive was reborn. Art Deco structures populated a mostly decrepit, neglected stretch of what would become really valuable real estate between South 5th and South 15th on South Beach. Like a phoenix, it became grand in a short time after having fallen into Scarface disrepair. On the other hand, today, it is a desperate, immature, ugly 20 something visited by most of us only when our least sophisticated relatives make that once in a lifetime visit to South Florida and want to visit the Clevelander.

Illustration two is Lincoln Road, still pleasant though no one I know goes there very much any more because it’s too crowded. (Thank Groucho Marx for the joke) With the recent opening of European mass market God H&M, the transformation is virtually complete and fully corporatized. If you are a small business, I’ve got two words for you -- side streets -- because as former New York mayoral candidate Jimmy McMillan squealed, “The Rent is Too Damn High.”

So while I am certainly ahead of myself, simultaneously, I am not. Adjacent to Wynwood, the Design District has added Louis Vuitton, Cartier, Dior, and Prada. Hello Design District. Goodbye Bal Harbor. (and its claustrophobia) Target lives alongside Loehmann’s, Supercuts, Foot Locker, and Subway in midtown Miami, also next to Wynwood, so can you hear the clock ticking yet? Hipsters, artists, and franchises do not mix!

I am not complaining as it is inevitable for change to occur, but the folks who were first to the dance -- those with bikes and spray cans, will soon be stopped by the new bouncer they used to tag walls with. That said, Wynwood is entering its next transformation, and expect the avalanche to occur much more quickly than you think. Food trucks and their generators quickly wear out their welcome when NW 2nd Avenue is bumper to bumper and the masses prefer t-shirts to canvases.

When this occurs, some will be disappointed, but fret not; the transformation will continue elsewhere. Till then, though you might want to check out Model City or Little Haiti, my money is on whether anyone can spell Allapattah?